So I just got back from hanging out with one of the coolest cats, and he suggested I write a blog. I informed him I had one. True I haven't posted since November. Eek! Well not on this one. So, sitting at my desk, writing a blog, and drinking tea, like one of the true writers, I will muse on love.
Although technically they would be in a coffee shop, pen and paper. I'm still that old school.
But before I get into that, I usually do my theological or just random talk blogs on facebook. Here updates and poems. So I'm due to post one on here. And I'd rather type than be behind a pulpit.
Romantic love. It sucks. It's hard. Sometimes you wonder if it is worth it. I never really dated, there is no love life for me. And talking about sex makes me uncomfortable. I have had an unofficial relationship, but let's save that for another time. Haha, oh if you had seen me in high school. I was always obvious with who I liked, was an idiot about knowing love, and a bit of a stalker. Not full time, just part time. =p Yeah I pretty much did the creep. (If you haven't seen it, look at the tube).
But I have grown in that regard, although yes my obvious side is dimming, but traces still rear their heads. Love. Such a big word. I'm sorry, but I have a hard time fully believing you can fall out of love. Divorce means to me, you had puppy love, or a small or no trace, and then boom! There goes your marriage. I will always love David. I will always love Forrest, my love interest last year. But note the always. I just feel that if you really love someone, you can't fall out of Love. You just fall out of love. Capital letters always point to something big.
Love= Looking beyond faults, you will always feel it, worthwhile. love= We love each other. Oh, messy split, turns out I don't have feelings for you no more.
I have a cousin who is only a few years older, and getting married a second time. His first marriage, he did something, and the girl left. The worst part? She wasn't interested in saving it. And no, she was not abused, she I guess became someone else. I feel like that just showed love, but not Love. She didn't fight for it.
I love Love. It's wonderful. Not always easy. But wonderful regardless. It is painful. I Loved Forrest, but he didn't love me. But he treated me well, listened to me, he came and visited a lot. Has an amazing voice. I enjoyed every minute I was around him. At first, I was jealous he was dating someone, another friend. love. But then I realized I wanted nothing more than his happiness and strived for trust. Love.
Right now, I am going heads over heels for someone I'm getting to know. I'm giddy. Just ask my cool cattish friend, he saw that today. I care a lot about him. He's honest, he listens, and talks (which surprise surprise even a talker like me likes to listen) to me. He encourages me, and has a good heart. His eyes are amazing, he's handsome, and he has a warm, fun smile. We joke and laugh a lot. It feels natural. But it looks like once again it might lead to my fragile heart being broken. Sometimes I just want to give up on love.
But my friend Willy said something I'll never forget. He told me that I shouldn't give up, because then whomever I'm meant to be with will be lonely. He'll get into bad relationships, or worse. I don't want that. I don't know who he is yet, but whomever he is, I Love him, already because I have (with the exception of a few friends, parents and hospital people) had to take care of myself mostly throughout my life, more so recently. I just want someone to take care of me, and to have someone else to care for. To love. Everyone tells me, stop looking, cause once you do, you'll find them. Sorry, but that's probably not gonna happen. So if that's true, I might just want to live alone.
Someday my prince will come,...
What I want to be doing right now!!
